It’s been a while since I’ve gathered up a smattering of one-liners (damned work). With my apologies and without further ado:


1.       You say “chance of hail”, I hear “put on your PJs and get back into bed immediately”.


2.       DH arrived in his superhero cape and fixed my printer. It wasn’t plugged in. Guess I can scratch “brain surgeon” off alternate-career list.


3.       Working for yourself is great except for the part about only making money when you WORK. I miss fucking off and getting paid for it.


4.       Me: “How many babies do you want someday?” 5YO: “Ninety!” 6YO: “Oh man, that’s gonna HURT.” My work here is done.


5.       LMFAO at the new Facebook phishing scam. “See yourself naked!” Dude, ANYBODY but me and I might be tempted.


6.       So what do you do when “don’t make me come up there” stops working? Do I actually have to GO UP THERE?


7.       Did everyone but me know that Evian spelled backwards is NAIVE? Hmmmm.


8.       6yo: “look mom, it’s a half-snake, half-alien!” Me: “That’s a lizard.” Guess this one got my outdoorsy genes.


9.       Sleeping in the same bed with your kids is fun. If you enjoy OCTOPUS WRESTLING.


10.   Thanks for the follow but I have to admit it kind of freaks me out that you are following one person and it’s me.


11.   Finally got the cat in the damned cage and she got out the back door. Related: WHO PUTS A BACK DOOR ON A CAT CAGE?


12.   “Jesus is a river of love, you won’t drown if you pray.” That’s sweet kid. Now come on, it’s time for your SWIM LESSON.