Otherwise known as The Week in Tweets. You know, in case you missed them.

1. Just spent an hour helping in 2nd grade. Could everyone pitch in like $20 for the teacher? Cuz however much she makes IT IS NOT ENOUGH.

2. Fuck this economy. I bought artichokes that WEREN’T EVEN ON SALE. Living on the edge of reason over here.

3. I appreciate increased airport security but if my tweezers are really putting us all in jeopardy, I think I might walk.

4. Don’t worry. There’s not really a rusty dagger impaling my uterus right now. It just feels like it.

5. I am now following @ScottBaio. But I probably won’t put his poster up in my room again.

6. Anyone know if the Archbishop of Canterbury is on Twitter? He emails me a lot and I’m thinking this would be more efficient.

7. Hey creepy guy trying to use 549 expired grocery coupons for shit you’re not even buying: Here’s $10. Now go away.

8. When DH is out of town and you have the kids and he asks all chipper “how did it go today?” he does not want the truth. Ever. #PSA

9. My cat just walked across my keyboard and OMFG now I’m worried that she’s a better writer than I am.

10. Just found out our dog got some bitch pregnant. 7YO: “I didn’t even know he was MARRIED!”