Once upon a time I met this really cute guy and we got married and at first we were going to have at least four kids but after we’d had two we said FUCK THIS TWO IS PLENTY and my husband got snipped.

The end.


This week we got a puppy.

Cute little bitch, isn’t she?

We have only had her for five days but already we love her. Except she cries a lot. I’m talking every two hours, all night long. And she has crazy-sharp teeth and she always seems to be starving and I think she has some weird peeing disease. When she dozes off we all tiptoe and whisper and give quiet praise for the brief, blessed silence. We have a fucking newborn, you guys.

She obviously misses her mama. I miss sleeping. It’s going to get better, right?