If you’ve been following along on my yearlong urge to purge, you know that I love dresses. So much, in fact, that sometimes I hang onto them through four different presidential terms.

Case in point:


When was the last time you saw a dress that hit just below the knee–literally the least flattering possible length in all of ever–in a store? I’m going to guess it was around 1997.

Now look closely at this one. I fell in love with the colorful embroidery across the bust, and it bears pointing out that at the time I purchased it, the embroidery actually was across my bustYou’ll notice that after two children and as many decades, somehow the embroidery migrated several inches north. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? 

What you can’t see is that this dress is made out of that super stretchy sheer netting-type fabric over a liner. It’s so stretchy in fact that I wore it during both of my pregnancies, right up until the end. And for the record, I was a serious pregnancy-overachiever. They tell you to gain thirty pounds? I packed on FIFTY both times HAHAHA I WON. Those one hundred pounds didn’t just take their toll on my body. Look closely at this dress’s hem; that’s the totally misshapen lining peeking out limply from behind the dress-part.

I KNOW. It’s just awful. And yet because I’m sentimental and I wore it when I was pregnant (My kids are going into junior high and high school, FYI), I have not been able to part with it.

Please note the cat in the background. HE IS SO DISGUSTED HE CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT ME. Now note the wine in the background. That was poured for obvious reasons.

My sister: “Don’t you have a picture of you wearing it pregnant?” Me: “DOZENS.”


This one might need a funeral of some sort.