You smile at strangers on the street, praise your kids for every scribbled stick person they draw and fawn over your mutt for lifting a lousy paw. Think your partner wouldn’t like a piece of that action? Think again. I know, you’re already giving ’til it hurts. Or are you? Here, 8 people/things your husband wouldn’t mind trading places with every once in a while.
Your gynecologist. She tells you to take your pants off and you do it with a smile. You don’t pretend to be asleep or whine about your head hurting or what a shitty day you had or how you ate too much at breakfast. Never once have you pretended to enjoy your time with her more than you actually do.
Your cab driver. He asks you where you want to go and you tell him. You don’t map out his route or yell at him to slow down or accuse him of being a selfish, insensitive asshole with no regard for your forty-dollar blowout when he rolls down his window.
Your boss. You do whatever it is she asks, even if it’s stupid, meaningless and utterly beneath you. She has yet to hear you slam a door, mutter profanities under your breath or tick off a list of how much more than her you do around the office. If she were asked if you’re a good eye-roller, she’d have to admit she doesn’t really know.
Your employee. If there’s a task you want done, you (and this is revolutionary stuff here) tell her precisely what it is. You don’t lurk in her shadow hoping she’ll see the papers that need to be filed or remember the calls that need to be made. When she tells you she’s all caught up and asks for her next assignment, you probably don’t groan, “You know what? Never mind. I’ll just do it myself.”
Your kid. You drop whatever it is you’re doing—cooking, cleaning, sleeping, sometimes breathing—when your children want your attention or affection. When they make mistakes, you forgive them, easily and immediately. Every scribble they draw, every off-tune song they sing, every weed they pick for you is the most incredible thing you have ever seen/heard/smelled.
Your personal trainer. She pushes you, taunts you, yells at you, and drags your ass out of bed at unholy hours. Even when you’re drop-dead exhausted and covered in sweat, you give her everything you’ve got. And in the end, you thank her for making you a better person.
Your dog. Come, sit, stay, fetch, drop. You don’t give this simple creature long complicated instructions or regale him with laborious explanations of why you want him to fetch the ball or how much it hurts your feelings when you ask him to sit and he doesn’t. When he does do what you ask, you rub him and pet him and tell him what a good, good boy he is. You save him a few bites of your steak because you know it will make him giddy, and sometimes you toss him a bone just because he’s so damned cute.
Your phone. You can be in the shower, delivering a nine pound baby or dead asleep; if that thing rings, you jump. You reach for it at every stoplight, during every commercial break and sometimes, secretly, during dinner (or sex). You wouldn’t dream of going to the bathroom without it, and when you can’t find it for thirty seconds straight, you are flooded with panic. I’ll bet your partner would give up a limb for that level of doting attention.
Is there someone/something you treat better than your husband? Please share!