If you picked up on that giant BACKLESS shouting at you from the title, you probably know where this is going.

Quick: When an item of clothing does not contain a back, what does this mean, say, with specific regards to undergarments?


Yes! You with the south-facing nipples! You are correct–you cannot wear a BRA with it!!! Now, there are currently lots and lots and lots of things I do not wear a bra with. For instance, other bras. And bathing suit tops. And some hospital gowns.

Actually, that’s it.


Those three things are the only three things you will ever catch me NOT WEARING A BRA WITH.

Which brings us to this halter-sweater, which in addition to being darling also happens to be backless.

Make no mistake; this is more than just a garment. (Aren’t they all?) This one holds precious memories of a long-ago time when gravity was simply something to be studied in science class, not a force of nature to be cursed. It harkens to a period in my life when a muffin top was a tasty treat–no, it was the best goddamned part of the muffinand not a reason to secretly pray for the return of high-waisted jeans.

Here’s the back. Please try to picture it a) without the ginormous sports bra, and b) on the young woman who purchased it.

I cannot think of one condition under which I might wear this. Not on a dare, not for Halloween, not even to Burning Man, which I do not attend anyway.

RIP perky bosom cute little halter-sweater. I’ll miss you.