I am so mad at me right now on so many levels, I don’t even know where to start.

My first bonehead move (of this particular story; not, you know, of ever) was buying a ONE SHOULDER DRESS when I do not and never did find this an attractive look.

But I did, I bought it. Here it is:

It’s literally STRAP-LESS.

“That’s not a one-shoulder dress, you dumbass!” you just shouted at your screen.

You’re right. It isn’t.

Not anymore

Yes, I bought a dress in a style I didn’t like all that much to begin with, let it fester in my closet for a year or two and then decided I KNOW! I’LL BRING IT TO MY NIMBLE-FINGERED SEAMSTRESS AND HAVE HER MAKE IT INTO A STRAPLESS DRESS cuz a) you guys know how much I love me a strapless dress, and b) THAT’S POSSIBLE

As it turns out, it’s not really possible, even though I really do have the best seamstress in the world. The woman can eyeball a dress that’s not even on your body and make it fit like a second skin, true story. But something happened to the way the fabric was supposed to drape when she lopped off that mono-strap. It looks like I’m wearing a deflated baloon or a Hefty bag or a one-shoulder dress that someone foolishly tried to turn into a strapless gown. (Also you can plainly see there’s a weird little point up there where the strap used to be, which I will point out is not my wonderful seamstress’s fault. It’s the fault of IMPOSSIBILITY.)

Here’s the side view of all that couture goodness:

The best part, it still has the original tags on it. (I’m always reluctant to cut tags off but I think we can all agree this borders on pathological.)

[insert nervous laugh here]