Let’s go over some already-established
reasons some people think I am batshit crazy quirks about me:
- I love dresses and hats.
- If it’s strapless I buy it, no questions asked.
- I am not a fan of the color green.
- I like to dress like Madonna whenever possible.
- Anthropologie is my weakness.
- I do not like things touching my bellybutton.
- PUT YOUR HANDS NEAR MY NECK AND I WILL HURT YOU.
Keeping all of that in mind, what do you think I’m going to say about this dress (which I’ll tell you up front is from Anthro)?
It’s not bad, right? I mean aside from its obvious greenness, it might appear to do fairly well in my regular wardrobe rotation. Like I said, it’s from Anthropologie (of course), it’s strapless (obviously), and at least in my (rarely) humble opinion, it’s sort of cute in a garden-party-floppy-hat sort of way.
But I never, ever wear it.
And here’s the thing: Tomorrow is Easter (which I’d like to suggest you celebrate with a nice shag). We’re having a picnic at the Mission rose garden with friends. It’s going to be a lovely, spring day. AND I AM NOT GOING TO WEAR THIS DRESS. I ask you: If I’m not wearing it tomorrow under truly idyllic garden party EASTER DAY dress-conditions, when the hell am I ever wearing it?
The best part? My sister is going to LOVE this one. And even though she told me many years later that she used to scrub the toilet with my toothbrush* when we were little, I am going to send it to her because I’m the best sister in the world.
*I totally did this with hers, too. True story. HOW DISGUSTING ARE WE?