If this project has taught me anything–other than that I shop too much, and also that I have moments of truly questionable taste–is that I need to learn to trust my gut.

[*slips into Exhibit A*]


I ordered this top online, during one of those hot-and-heavy frenzies when I was buying a whole bunch of other crap (that probably has been or will be featured here but that’s another Oprah) and if I just spent another four or forty bucks I could get free shipping (which was probably seven bucks to begin with BIG EFFING DEAL WHY DO I DO THIS EVERY TIME?) so spending more was actually SAVING MONEY.

When I do this, which is roughly every time there’s a free-shipping threshold involved thanks Mom, my cart typically languishes for days.

“Psssssssst!” the reminder email says. “Looks like you forgot something!”


After the fourth or fifth nudge, I start to worry that they’re going to run out of the one thing I actually wanted in the first place, so I just throw something willy-nilly into my cart and check out. Of course, I do this with the threat promise that “I’ll just return it if I don’t love it.”

SPOILER: I did not love this top right out of the shipping box. I liked the color, and the material, and the neckline. I did not like the maternity shape, the layers, or the length. “I’ll just have it taken up! And in! I have the best seamstress on the planet despite the shit show that is the formerly one-shoulder dress. ! It’ll be perfect!” I am almost positive I promised.

Here’s something I should probably know about me by now: I AM A BALD-FACED LIAR.

(Or is it bold-faced liar?  Whichever one it is, I’m that.)

Seeing as I got it practically free for seven whole dollars off, I’m not even going to feel guilty about letting it go. But I AM making a promise to you all, right here and right now, that I will NOT keep anything I don’t love so much that I rip the thing in my panic to get the tag off of it (because yeah, I’ve done that).