I’m just going to jump right in here and tell you that today’s dump is a sweater that I BOUGHT AT COSTCO. Yup, apparently I thought that the same place where I stockpile my toilet paper and meatless chicken nuggets and organic ground beef AND MY CAR TIRES FOR FUCK’S SAKE would be a great place to pick up a festive holiday sweater.

I was going through a drawstring-waist phase at the time (oy with the phases), and despite the fact that elbow-length sleeves are at the top of my Most Hated Sleeves List (because of course I have one), I bought this one anyway. Probably because of the sequins.

Everyone knows Costco is a dangerous place. You can go in there for cheese sticks and a case of bottled water and come out with a new backyard pergola, some pool noodles EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A POOL and a pearly pink casket. But then again, you can get a possibly carcinogenic, two-thousand calorie tube of mystery meat hot dog and a soda for a buck-fifty, so you’re actually saving money by going there.

If anybody needs me I’ll be GETTING MY MONEY’S WORTH sucking up the free air-conditioning in the dairy room.