Some things in life are just difficult to explain. 

A $5 bottle of water*.

What a giant, egg-and-candy-hiding rabbit has to do with Jesus rising from the dead.

Common core math.

The fact that I was never in a bowling league (and in all truth have a hard time breaking 100 when I do bowl every four years) but I own these shoes.

(I admit, some of these mysteries are more profound than others.)

These aren’t actual bowling shoes. Also I didn’t get them in Paris or London, so I can’t even claim that they’re “special.” I do think they’re sort of funky-cute in a maybe-they’re-trendy-on-another-continent sort of way, but since I haven’t worn them in over a decade I KNOW IT’S A PROBLEM THAT’S WHY WE’RE HERE OKAY? I’m going to bid them au revoir


*Seriously, how pissed are you that you didn’t come up with BOTTLED FUCKING WATER? Think about it: In California, we bitch when gas goes over three bucks a gallon… but we’ll happily pay twice that or more for WATER! I’m going to start drinking gasoline so I can get my money’s worth.