Of all of the godawful things I’ve posted here, I don’t think any have made me cringe quite as dramatically as this stupid black sweater.

It was an inexpensive impulse purchase and I remember thinking smugly, “I don’t super-love it now, but I bet it becomes my standby go-to uniform.” Because sometimes that happens, okay? 

That did not happen. 

I have put it on three or four times, and each time I want to kick myself in the kneecaps for buying it in the first place. The armpits droop, it’s sloppy and tired looking, and it’s NOT EVEN SOFT for crying out loud.

A little detour: In 1989 I spent three months shopping taking classes at the Sorbonne in Paris. One day I was killing time at Les Halles, which is basically if Ikea and Disneyland got together and decided to open a really fancy shopping mall. It was there that I tried on the Naf Naf overalls of my dreams. (It was 1989, shut up.) They were buttery soft and the perfect pale indigo and had the NAF NAF logo embroidered in rainbow thread across the small of the back and I was pretty sure I had never seen a garment so magical in all of my days on the earth.

But they were expensive. And I’d been shopping like crazy all semester long. And my suitcase was already overflowing and we were going to Amsterdam that weekend and I was going to get my very first tattoo and tattoos weren’t cheap. So for those and at least a million other reasons, I didn’t buy them.

The regret was not necessarily fast but furious, and spanned oceans and decades.

I swear I still think about them. Had I made a different decision that day, I’d definitely still have them and I’d probably still wear them. What I’m saying is, I’m going to try never to buy anything I don’t love at least as much as I loved those damned overalls. This sweater does NOT fit the bill.

(Yes I’ve looked on eBay.)